When Your Best Simply isn't Enough

Finally, the Eugene Marathon is done, and the race I spent 4 months training for is now a (not-so) distant memory. As I sit here to type this, so much is coming to mind, but I can't think of the words to describe any of it. So I'll just have to describe the events.

Saturday (Race Eve)
Erin, Erin's friend Kelly, my friend Ellen, and I left Portland Saturday afternoon to head down to Eugene. But first, we made a pitstop in Corvallis for an untimed 5K/10K that Oregon State University hosted in honor of Sexual Awareness Month. Kelly's former boss (Ann Marie) told her about the event, she told the three of us, and Erin and I decided that it'd be a good shakeout run. The four of us decided to do the 5K, while Ann Marie did the 10K. Erin and I stuck together, and ran about 9:00 miles for the whole thing. Afterward, the five of us went out for lunch in Corvallis, and then parted ways with Ann Marie so that we could get to Eugene.

For this year, they moved the expo from the Hilton to the Lane Events Center, and this year's expo was kind of a letdown. It was much smaller, and didn't have any out-of-the-ordinary vendors. On the plus side, none of us felt guilty about leaving after 20-30 min.

Bibs acquired. Ready for Sun!

We drove to Pre's Rock, and then headed to Ellen's parents' house (her parents were gracious enough to host me). We relaxed in their home until dinner time. Dinner consisted of pasta with homemade sauce, salad, and bread, followed by a few cookies and tea. All of it was delicious.

Around 8, Erin and Kelly left to drive to their hotel so they could get some sleep. I chatted with Ellen and her mom for a bit longer, and then headed downstairs to get ready for bed. While I was digging out my toiletries, I realized that I forgot my night guard (confession: I wear a night guard nightly because I clench and grind my teeth while I sleep). Of course I'd forget it when my anxiety is through the roof. Argh. Eventually, I fell asleep (around 9:30 -- crazy early for me!)...and proceeded to wake up every two hours or so (after having some bizarre dreams).

Sunday (Race Day)
After that reasonably fitful rest, I woke up before any of the four alarms I set went off. I got dressed, and ate my breakfast of millet porridge (millet cooked in water, with dried cranberries, cinnamon and sugar, and honey) and orange juice. Ellen drove me to the start, and headed back home so she could meet up with her parents for their "cheer and bike" morning (cheer, bike to the next stop, and repeat).

Good morning, Eugene!

Once I got to the start, I checked my bag and met up with Erin. We chatted, and then ventured to the Porta-Potties (I don't know about her, but I had to pee, despite having peed before leaving Ellen's parents'), except we gave up on that because of hella long lines. So instead, we proceeded to our separate corrals.

I started my warmup routine when I got to the corral, but was a bit rushed because the start was less than 10 minutes away. I was able to do most of it (save the lunges). In the corral, I saw one of the PFR runners who was doing the half. Soon after that, the officials made the pre-race announcements, and the gun went off.

I planned on a 6:55/mi pace, and made a bracelet with the times when I needed to hit each mile marker. I hit mile 1 ahead of schedule, and saw Ellen and her family sometime between miles 1 and 2. Shortly thereafter, I came across a set of Porta-Potties and used one of them. (If I was going to be ingesting fluids, I needed to make some room or else I don't think it'd be very pleasant.) I made up that lost time by the 5K mark, and then went a bit faster than target pace for mile 4-7. I saw Kelly at mile 6, and Ellen's family at mile 7, which probably pushed me through those miles. They had the first banana table  around mile 8, and I grabbed one (for potassium).

Mile 8 brought the uphill that nobody was expecting. Seriously, it was a beast. But I saw one of the funniest signs on the course ("You've been training for this longer than Kim Kardashian's marriage"). By mile 11, I was kicking myself for going such a fast pace, and had no idea how I was going to finish. Because of that, I figured that mile 12 would be a good spot to consume my first gel. Shortly after that, they had the second banana table, and though I wasn't hungry for fuel, I decided to grab a piece for later. I started eating it around mile 14, except I felt nauseous and feared that I'd throw up if I ate any more of it, so I tossed it at mile 16. I also started ignoring my split bracelet then, because it had already started screwing with my mind. And just when I didn't want anyone seeing me looking like death, I saw Kelly. Around mile 17, I needed some more moral support, and saw Ellen's family again. At either mile 17 or 18 (I can't recall which one), my contacts started bothering me, and the left one felt like it was about to fall out. I had to tell myself that I can't control the elements, only how I respond to them (an old saying from CUA Crew). At mile 19, my stomach was ready to handle more Gu, so I took another gel.

I remember hitting mile 20 in 2:20 (~7:00 pace), and thinking that I still had a shot at BQing. During the last 10K, I just felt like shit and wanted the whole thing to end. (What kept me going was "Finish what you start.") - everything burned, and my knee ached a couple times going downhill. From miles 24-25.5, all I could think about was, "Get me off of this trail and onto the damn road!" After I got on the road, my thoughts switched to, "Get me to Hayward and get this shit over with!" I saw Ellen's family at mile 26, and didn't even smile (that's how badly I wanted that race to end). I missed the BQ and finished in 3:08:22, which is still a 3 min PR for me and a 16 min improvement over last year's race.

Reflection
Immediately afterward, I was drained and pissed. When I trained that hard to BQ, gave that race everything I had, and still came up short, I couldn't help but be let down. It didn't matter that it was a PR, or that it was my 5th consecutive marathon PR. I just wasn't in the mood to celebrate my race. But what was I supposed to do when everyone around me was saying, "Congrats! I'm so proud of you."? Get all pouty because even though it's the fastest marathon I've ever run, I still fell short of my goal? No, because I know what they'd tell me -- "You're being ridiculous," "Get over it," "PRing is still a huge accomplishment." So instead, I spent Sunday celebrating Erin's massive PR, and trying to convince everyone (myself included) that I was equally stoked about my own PR and breaking 3:10 (though I probably failed at this one because I'm not a great actor). When I posted the results to DailyMile later, I stated, "I don't want to belittle any of my accomplishments today (because a PR is always worth celebrating), but when you give a race your all and still come up short, it's bittersweet. Does that make any sense?" After posting that, I decided that the best thing for my mood would be to get some sleep.

I woke up to some positive comments, which were along the lines of "Congrats on the PR!" and "A PR is always worth celebrating!" However, my friend Steven somehow knew exactly what I needed to hear:

"I can imagine you're probably sort of in a middle-ground between being proud of a new PR but also disappointed that you didn't get your BQ. This is natural, but I hope that the achievements of the new PR outweigh everything else. You've made such big jumps as a marathoner in the past two years, and I think when you take into perspective how many minutes you've chopped off in the past several marathons you should be even more proud of what you accomplished at Eugene. Keep it up. The BQ will come."

At that moment, I looked at the big picture. Suddenly, the race was no longer about what I didn't accomplish, but about all that I have accomplished. Over the last 2.5 years, I've shaved 25 minutes off of my marathon PR (nearly a minute per mile). Two and a half years ago, I never would've thought that I could break 3:10. Yesterday, I did it. And when looking at the progress I've made so far, I can't help but be amazed and proud.

Lessons Learned
While the end time was great, there's definitely room for improvement. In true coaching fashion, I'd like to reflect on what went wrong this time so I know what to improve for next time and (hopefully) get that BQ.

1. Starting out way too quickly - This is a horrible tendency that I've had in all of my marathons. I get excited, start out really fast (and don't seem to slow down, despite my repeated pleas to myself to do so), and then positive-split the second half. After looking at the stats, I realized that this was my second-most evenly run marathon (the second half was less than 7 minutes slower than the first half). I'm getting better at pacing, but I still need to be a bit more conservative in the first half.
2. Letting my nerves get the best of me - I had that bracelet on to tell me when I needed to hit each mile. But as soon as I couldn't hold that pace, I started beating myself up because my race plan fell apart and I felt like the BQ slipped away from me much earlier than it did. I think that me telling myself "Don't let your nerves get the best of you" helped, but I think I also need to remember "It ain't over until it's over."
3. Poor fueling strategy - When I ran Chicago, I participated in the Gatorade Sports Science Institute's study on GI issues during exercise. I just re-read their results, and compared to the other participants, I took in less fluid and carbs during exercise and felt more discomfort. This time around, I think that my GI issues were worse (I don't recall how bad they were during Chicago, but I know that I didn't feel like I wanted to throw up). Maybe I didn't take in enough fluid or carbs during the race? Or maybe bananas during the race aren't good for my system? Or maybe I should've taken in carbs during the last 10K? Either way, I need a better strategy.

What do you think I could've done differently? What recommendations do you have for future races?

The Mental Game

With less than a week to go until Eugene the Sequel, I can’t help but think about Race Day. I’m currently feeling a whole slew of emotions, and turning another year older isn’t helping that fact. (Yes, my birthday and Race Day are within a week of each other.)

I’m nervous because I want to qualify for the Boston Marathon, and shooting for such a lofty goal scares the shit out of me. Running 26.2 miles in 3:05 just seems hella fast. Yes, I know it’s only six minutes faster than my Chicago time, but entering “Club BQ” puts one in this different class of runners. Boston may have recently become synonymous with “tragedy” (no, we’re not discussing that topic right now, because the news and watching coverage for two days after the event depressed me to the point where I can’t handle following the situation), but to me, it still symbolizes “prestige,” “speed,” and “elite.” And the pedestal I’ve placed it on has made this goal seem so formidable.

What makes me even more nervous is that I feel like I have a real shot at it this time around, and I’m afraid of blowing it. During this training cycle, I’ve had a 15K and a half-marathon PR, and have logged more miles (and faster miles) than ever before. I’ve felt more support and encouragement during this training cycle than ever before (thank you, Twitter and dailymile). And while all of that excites/motivates me, I’m also worried that I’ll get overexcited on Race Day, start out way too quickly, and then burn out in the second half. (This is one of my goats.)

I’ve also put more emphasis on diet during this training cycle. I’ve tried to clean up my diet by eating more whole (i.e., plant-based) foods and drinking less alcohol. And up until a few weeks ago, I’d like to think that I did a fairly good job of that. Then, I had one of my best friends from NYC visit me, which involved drunch, wine tasting, and enough sugary treats to make us call her visit “Diabetes Weekend”.

Drunch. Regular mimosa for her, grapefruit mimosa for me.

Wine and cheese party at home. (This may or may not have been a daily event for us.)

Moonstruck desserts. (Hey, Moonstruck's a Portland staple. Gotta check it out while visiting!)

Columbia Gorge Wine Tasting event. 

After that, I fled to SoCal to visit friends and family, which, so far, has involved drunches, wine tasting, and loads of dairy and sugar. (We seem to use alcohol and sugar to bond.) Long story short, I’m just worried that these last few weeks of poor food choices have screwed me over.

I’m freaked out, and when I get freaked out, I feel ready to jump out of my skin. Such urges make me want to run, which would be good and well if I weren’t in the midst of tapering. It’s times like these I wish I had another means to deal with my emotions. (Writing can be effective, except I’m barely making any sense to me, so I can’t imagine that I’m making sense to anyone else.)

I need to stop psyching myself out. I’m excited to race because I feel like this is the culmination of 16 weeks of hard work. I’m especially excited because I’ll have some incredible friends running and watching. And while it makes me incredibly nervous, the goal of qualifying for Boston fires me up. Plus, the weather forecast currently looks great (knock on wood).

What I’m realizing is that taper mode is when the training focus shifts (or should shift) from the physical aspects of racing to the mental aspects. At this point, I’ve done everything that I can do to get ready for this marathon. As we’ve established, I’m happy with how my training has gone. But now, I need to calm myself down so I don’t let my nerves get the best of me. For that, I have a few sayings:

-“Keep calm and rock the f*$& out.” (Thank you, Erin for that one.)

-“You got this.” (I’ve read that using “you” in a mantra is more effective than using “I” because it makes you feel like someone’s alongside you providing support.)

-“Let’s make the most of tonight, like we’re gonna die young.” (Thank you, Ke$ha. Your songs may be ridiculous, but they are catchy, and this one helped get me to a sub-1:30 half-marathon.) 

If You Can Dream It...

Recently, I told one of my PFR teammates about the Kaiser Half (aka, Operation 1:30), and he asked me about the sub-3:00 marathon. Running sub-3 is on my bucket list, but I've thought of it as a secondary goal to the elusive BQ. (It seems less scary/more feasible if I make 3:05 my "A" goal, and make 3:00 my "A" goal for a future race.) After Operation 1:30, I started wondering if 2013 could be my year to do it. Still, I erred on the side of conservatism and figured I should stick to my original plan.

Fast forward to this morning. It’s the end of the term, and to top it off, I have thesis deadlines looming. To say that I’m stressed is a bit of an understatement. (On a scale of 1-10, I’m currently ranging anywhere from 9-15, and have had about 7 "I'm losing it" moments in 24 hours. But that's another story.) Naturally, these were the main things on my mind when I set out for my 5M run this morning. After about 2 miles, I decided to ignore my Garmin and just run. (I’ve run the route dozens of times and know how long it is.) Somewhere along the Eastbank Esplanade, my thoughts drifted away from my thesis and to the sub-3 marathon. Which led me to wonder, “Would it be crazy if I tried to do that in Eugene?” 

I ended my entry on dailymile with “Am I crazy here for thinking about running a BQ-5 when I haven’t BQed yet?” A few hours later, my friend Erin commented with some very encouraging words and advice. Her advice: “If your fitness indicators point to that as a capability right now, man, don’t think twice...particularly if everything is right on race day.” 

For the analysis (because I'm a math nerd, and clearly, analyzing data for a thesis project wasn't enough), I decided to look up race time predictors, and make a prediction based on the Kaiser Half (that’s my most recent race). I’ve used McMillan’s before, but wanted something else to serve as a comparison, so I found the Runner’s World Race Times Predictor. Based on that race time, McMillan predicted a marathon time of 3:06:17, and Runner’s World predicted a time of 3:04:33.

Okay, so that points to about a 3:05. But based on a 10K time from September (on a fairly downhill course), it told me I'd run Chicago (which was 4 weeks later) in 3:18, which was 7 minutes slower than my actual time. 

Compared to previous marathons, my training has felt really good. I'm not sure what my sweet spot was before, but now, it seems to be around 40 miles/week (based on my last few weeks of 38-45 miles/week). So long story short, predictions look good, and it's possible to beat estimates.

And now onto the mental portion (because as I've learned, there's a big mental game involved with racing). Do I think it's possible? Yes. Does the thought of running sub-3 scare me shitless? You bet. But the thought of crossing that goal off of my life's to-do list is nothing short of exciting. And as Walt Disney once said, "If you can dream it, you can do it."

Erin also sent me this fine graphic from the SF Marathon's Pinterest board: 

Sidenote: She only had a vague idea of how freaked out I was/am when she sent this. We're obviously on the same wavelength.

As I type this, I'm recalling my conversation with Erin, where she expressed hesitation about her goal, and I basically said to just go for it. Maybe now's the time for me to eat my words and say, "Fuck it; I'm doing this shit."

What are your thoughts?

If I Blogged More...

In honor of the fact that I've written about two posts in the last four months, I've decided to write ten things you'd hear about if I blogged more about my running.

If I blogged more...

You'd hear about how I'm more excited to run Eugene this year than I was last year.

Source

You'd hear about how I'm already thinking about marathons #8 and #9, but haven't committed to anything yet. (I don't want to commit without knowing where I'll be in terms of job and location.)

You'd learn about these Plantar Massage Balls I bought from Foot Traffic and how they're amazing.

You'd hear me talk about how said balls, my foam roller, and Epsom salt baths comprise my recovery trifecta. (I hope Seinfeld didn't trademark the word trifecta.)

You'd learn that I've concluded that running and religion are similar. (Running is an individualistic sport, but having a community/group of runner friends provides loads of support and motivation. Religion is based on one's relationship with some deity, but having a community of like-minded believers provides (or should provide) loads of support with living according to that religion's doctrine.)

You'd hear about how I'm super-stressed because I have about three weeks to finish classes and finish writing my thesis. (Maybe I could use said stress to fuel my training runs!)

You'd hear my nonsensical musings from my runs (though let's face it, my thought process while not running doesn't make much sense either).

You'd hear about why I got into running in the first place. (It's a long story that I tried to write in my head while on my run yesterday. I got as far as, "It seemed like a good idea." Isn't that how all of my good stories start?)

Marathon Mania!

So the big day (well, two big days, if we're counting my birthday into this) has come and gone. And it was epic!

Saturday (Marathon Eve)


Around 1pm, my friends Peter and Michael picked me up, and we headed off to Eugene. On the way there, we passed one of these signs.

Source

This was when I realized that Portland is closer to the North Pole than it is to the Equator. Remind me again why I live so far north in the Northern Hemisphere. I digress.

By the time we arrived and checked into the hotel, it was nearly 4, so we had to head to the Expo before they closed at 6. While there, we ended up getting a boatload of Clif Gu. And Lauren Fleshman was there selling her Picky Bars. Being the running nerd that I am, and having read the profile of her that Running Times recently published (the profile that contained some of the advice I heeded when easing back into running after my bout of Achilles tendonitis), I was starstruck upon meeting her. (How does one mentally prepare for such events??)

Anyway, after my mini celebrity sighting, we headed back to the hotel and walked over to the starting area (so we knew how to get there in the morning). We also walked around the University of Oregon's campus.

I'm sure you all want to hear about the pre-race dinner (well, assuming that you love food as much as I do, and that you want to hear about carbo-loading). However, finding a good place that didn't have a 1+ hour wait was a long adventure. Let's just say that "Third time's the charm" and "All's well that ends well." Still managed to be back in the hotel and in bed by 10:00 (which is more than I can say about NYC Marathon Eve).

Sunday (Marathon Day)


The race started at 7am, which meant that we had to be up early. I set an alarm for 5:15 and Peter set one for 5:40. Of course, I think we were all brewing with excitement/pre-race anxiety, so we all woke up at 5. I definitely had a dream about running a race (not this one though). Pre-race breakfast consisted of oatmeal, half a banana, and water. I did my standard warmup routine after breakfast. We snapped a few pre-race photos before we left. The hotel was only about 5 min away from the start, which served as a great warmup run.

Soon after I entered my corral, I found a runner with a NYRR t-shirt on. Naturally, I had to start a conversation about NYC. After chatting for a bit, we each went off to do our warmup stretches. Soon, it was time to line up for the opening ceremonies. And by ceremonies, I mean the National Anthem and a welcome speech by Meb. (Yes, the one and only Meb came to Eugene!) I have no idea what he said, but he was there. After this speech, the gun was fired, and we all trotted across the starting line.

Part of me was trying to take in the Eugene scenery, but the other part of me was working toward my lofty goal. I finished the first mile in about 7:20, which was way faster than my target pace of 7:37. My mind tried telling my body to slow down, but my body didn't listen. I was about 50 feet behind the 3:15 pace group, and I figured that if I were a good distance behind them, then I was in good shape. I kept this pace up for at least the first 10K. Around the 10K mark, I met this woman who was running the half (there was also a half-marathon that started at the same time). In our brief conversation, I gathered that both of us ran the Portland Marathon in 2010, and that she thought she was going too fast for the 1:36-1:38 finish she wanted to pull off. (She was actually on target for that.) I also met someone else who was running the full and wanted to run sub-3:15, but he was not much of a conversationalist. He did mention how he had run 3 marathons in a 15-month period (this period ended in April 2011). I then thought about it and realized that between NYC, Eugene, and Chicago, I'll have run 3 in a 12-month period. Clearly, I'm crazy.

Around mile 10, the course goes onto paved running trails, which was awesome. I think I was at about a 7:24 pace, but the 3:15 group was still nearby. The scenery over the next two miles of trails was amazing. We crossed the halfway mark, and I was relieved when I saw that the clock said "1:37," because it meant that I hadn't gone out super-fast and PRed for a half-marathon with another half left to go. I then had to sing Bon Jovi's "Woah, we're half way there, Woah, livin' on a prayer" to myself. 


I think the 3:15 group started to break away around mile 15, but I don't fully recall. What I do recall is going back on some more awesome trails around mile 16. We also got to run along the Willamette River! It was so peaceful. Actually, it was too peaceful. There were times when I was the only runner around, and the few spectators who were present were too quiet. (C'mon people, it's the second half of the marathon! We need some energy!) Around the 30K mark, I got tired enough so that doubt caught up with me. I had to squash it in order to finish, and so I used the first means I could think of -- essentially dedicate  each of the remaining miles to a different supporter. And in doing so, I broke up a 7.5 mile stretch into 7.5 segments. Around mile 24, I caught up to this runner, and he decided that he wanted to have a conversation. I was not in the mood. There were 2.2 miles left, and I needed to finish them. With half a mile left, we got back onto the streets (yes, that's right -- we were on trails for almost 10 miles) and were on the home stretch. 


Once I got into Hayward Field, I could see the finish line and the clock. From then on, the only thought in my head was that I had to break 3:25. With about 50 yards left to go, some announcer called out my name, and I immediately threw my hands in the air. I may have also had a dopey grin on my face, and I may have done a little dance as I ran to the finish. And all of this may have been captured on video. But I didn't care. I PRed by over 8 minutes, and broke 3:25 (official time: 3:24:28, 7:48/mi pace).


Krusteaz had set up a pancake station in the finisher area, and volunteers were handing out pancakes. Mmm pancakes. That hit the spot as I waited for Peter and Michael. While I waited, I saw the New Yorker from the starting area again. As it turned out, he only finished about 2 minutes behind me. Anyway, the rest of my time in the finisher area goes something like this: get some free food, find my friends, get more free food, join in on these Texans' cool down/core stretching routine.


Reflection


Was I disappointed that I didn't break 3:20? A bit. But I broke 3:25, which was my goal for the 2009 Portland Marathon and the 2011 NYC Marathon. And given that I fulfilled a three-year-old goal, I couldn't be happier. Furthermore, to accomplish that after all of the injuries (IT band, piriformis, Achilles tendonitis) I incurred during my training made it monumental.


I don't typically like running the same race more than once, but I'd run this one again. 

The duck was happy. I was happy. And we all finished. Victory all around!